You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
