I wanna bring you to show and tell
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
