What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Randomize
