I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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