I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
