if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
