Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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