Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The chlamydia really affected his face.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I have fence marks all over my body
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
is it fun? or sober?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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