I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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