It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
