I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
