I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm like, not good at living.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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