Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
