But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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