I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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