Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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