dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
