My cat gives me a boner
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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