girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
