if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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