Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
