you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
