my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
