He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
