you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
