And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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