just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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