was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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