Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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