he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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