I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
