I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
im on a boat
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