I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
operation harelip BJ is a go
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
