I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
bring money and cleavage
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
