well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
