I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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