we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
