All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
