I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
