youre lurking in front of me
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
