SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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