we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
