You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
