If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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