you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
