we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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