Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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