"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
