I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
