as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
