I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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