wakey wakey hands off snakey
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
