that's an acceptable place to lick
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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