The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
