he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
