Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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