a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
