I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
