I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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