My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
